Be sure to let me know if your relationship crumbles so I can resume hitting on you
I've had that scene from "Parenthood" where Rick Moranis' character is singing "Close To You" to his wife in classroom, stuck in my head all morning.
I guess my mind is just wondering whatever happened to Rick Mornais.
There is a mermaid on oprah and she looks nothin like ariel
All I remember about walking back home was that I maced my shadow.
She said her first boyfreind was so small she is still technically a virgin.
I just put a tampon in while driving. Don't tell me I don't got skills.
Is moral bankruptcy something you need to file for?
The forest. Magic mushrooms. Wind trees leaves sky. That is alll.
I accidentally peed all over the couch. It's safe to say I'm not welcome at that house anymore
the evidence from last night is not good...
what evidence?
my underwear is on inside out, and there are french fries in my hair...
new district manager is here. you need to come in early
5th mimosa says otherwise
You know you're getting old when 19 year olds you've met on tinder advise you that you should start looking for a wife and/or the mother of your children
I just watched my mom pour beer into her vodka and drink it.
Remember that guy that walked around our house naked with a boner wearing nothing but his winter coat? Well, he has a kid now.
When was the last time you got laid?
When was the last time you came home sober?
touche
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