my brother is a facebook fan of two things: God, and Rhianna. if he's not a prime example of the rare "baptist closeted gay," i don't know who is.
I'm sitting in the drive through at Mcdonalds right now watching the workers pressure wash the vomit I left from last night.
Well, I'm eating cake, watching wedding videos of people I don't know, and crying. Clearly I'm a vision of mental health today
Nothing like a $37 iTunes bill. Jesus Christ do you know how many $2 beer/shot specials that is??? The answer is 16. 16 beer/shot specials.
Come get me...we were walking home and she kept yelling "people need to get run over more!" then she just sat down in the middle of the street saying "it just feels right."
I've literally already typed in by booty call text for friday night. all I have to do now is wait for is drunk me to press send
I've honestly never felt so much emotion towards a wall
I guess I can give it a shot. I usually just get belligerently drunk and go where my penis and feet lead me. No fights or getting too lost, so they seem to be doing a good job
I don't remember coming in last night, but apparently I ate a piece of pizza because when I woke up I had pizza crust stuck to the back of my thighs.
Someone should make a valentines day card that says "I like the way you continuously consume thc with no concept of a limit other than drug supply" Because I'd send that to you.
I just saw a guy in a hazmat suit riding a tractor.
I refuse to be socially acceptable any longer than what is needed to pick up chinese food.
Is there a hallmark card for "could you please slide the FUCK out of my DMs"....?
Maybe it’s too soon to casually tell the boss that I went to Tulsa for some dick last night
You can’t homewreck what the Lord hath brought together.
Randomize
