HOW IN THE HELL DID YOU BLOW A .24?????
We were watching I'm a celebrity get me out of here and taking shots every time heidi said HALLELUJAH, and started spraying her hair with that stupid dry shampoo shit....and we only watched the last half hour.
You give one guy a hand job and suddenly everyone wants to get with you
i am doomed to only fuck guys with curved cocks
There are babies in the room i shouldnt be high with babies in the room.
I'm at the gas station where we got beef jerky and condoms. The fact that those two are in the same sentence makes me love you more.
He tied my whole arm, in its cast, to the headboard first. He mumbled something about safe, sane, and consensual?
i tried to knight her with my dick. she said it was unromantic. what an ungrateful attitude for a knight.
Just saw 1 guy dressed as a cow and another dressed as a shrimp dancing on the side of the road. We're turning around I NEED to dance with them.
'Well you know, stuff happens' isn't really an excuse for sticking a cheeto in my ear
the japanese bartender dressed as a cowboy in assless chaps just told me i was too drunk for another shot
I'd say you were a shitshow. Playing floating beer pong in the pool you kept filling other people's cups with pool water and laughing to yourself.
Just found a pack of birth control on the corner of Oakland and Thomas, so if your desperate its up for grabs.
Side note, from now on any snap chat I get that isn't interesting enough... Is getting a dick in response. Judge your snaps accordingly
I got back from work this morning after working the night shift to find an NFL player scaling the side of our apartment...from your window. He just took sneaking out to all new level. Care to explain?
I think that about sums it up, actually.
We could have fun in a cardboard box. Think of the damage we could do at an amusement park!
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