My mom just informed me that my dog licks their toes while her and my dad are having sex. I'm apartment searching.
yeah, and then after the convo was clearly over, my dad decides to scream "SIZE MATTERS" just to make things even more uncomfortable.
I just can't bring boyfriends home.
Oh well. haha. i couldn't really understand what she was saying. i just nodded a lot. i guesss she found that sexy.
gotta love spring break
gotta love slutty girls from the south
my mom just cut me up lemons and limes so i would have some vitamins with my tequlia
does she really think making her boyfriend delete me on facebook is going to magically stop us from hooking up?
Sorry for feeding you peanuts last night while you were sleeping, you looked hungry.
I swear to God, if you drunkenly correct my grammar one more time, I'm cutting you off.
We found him wrapped up in a giant table umbrella in the bathroom.
This guy smells like mr Rogers puppets and I don't know how to deal with it
Despite popular belief cocaine is not a good pre-workout
Next time I try to break into the police station drunk, please stop me.
You reeked of guilt and shame and we offered you pancakes
final thoughts: i just want someone into choking me out, weed and anime
Just set the kids up with doughnuts downstairs so I could go up and masturbate uninterrupted. I am such a good mom.
BITCH IT IS YOUR BIRTHDAY AND I'M STARTING ON A FISHBOWL OF LIQUOR WITHOUT YOU
I read that out. Group response is "Katie is hard as fuck."
WITH MOTHERFUCKING MONKEY MITTENS
Randomize
