I don't think anyone has ever said "boy I'm glad I took those shots of everclear" when they wake up
I keep forgetting that I only have two nostrils.
I use him for alcohol and he uses me for sex. This is the closest thing to love i could imagine
You can't have your penis and eat it, too.
Theres was an instant understanding between us being drunk on the trampoline at four in the morning and the people walking down the road at the same time
I'm using the size of your dick as a guage to see how big something is on Amazon. Any questions?
I really don't want to. I just don't know how to nicely say "dude I'm having a rough time in life right now and I just need to dress like a stripper cop, get shit faced, and have dirty crazy sex"
He has blue eyes of sex and i am powerless against them
Doesn't tell me where my computer chair went but good to know
Cancun blessed me with a drinking problem
I'm both gender and math confused
I think I just received the most dignified proposition of my life. From the father of the bride. Who'd have thought.
Just come here quick. I'm home in 3min. It will take you literally less than 5 to walk. Then 2 to undress, 16 to fuck, 2 to dress again and 5 to walk back..!!
exactly 16 eh??
All I remember is your girlfriend laying on the bathroom floor and me crawling in and asking if it was okay to puke.
You’re going to be a doctor, and I’m going to be a trophy wife. We both have goals
Of course he did! You’ve seen my tits, you know he didn’t stand a chance!
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