Let's get naked and see who's stronger.
my phone is set on vibrate and its tucked up in my left front pocket. call me back 20 times real quick.
i got turned down by a girl after she saw how big my penis was and she said "thats not goin in me"
The guy in front of me in lecture is using a fifth of smirnoff as a water bottle.
Nevermind, it's not water.
So I've been to the library twice so far. Both times were for the atm, and once I was stoned. Junior year is going great.
You broke a cabinet. You were climbing up it and it collapsed on you. Lines were crossed.
So our 'date' consisted of getting drunk off champagne at four and photo-bombing the shit out of tourist's pictures all over the city. Thoughts?
We stared down the barrel of pure insanity, took more and the electric elephant god rewarded our fearlessness by giving me golden skulls and naked women crawling out of the walls. I love acid
He's so hot and there's so much R Kelly and vodka I think I might die.
I got my dick out in a gay bar for just one free shot. I didn't know I could be bought so cheap
Awkward is sitting in your parking spot and making eye contact with every one of your next door neighbors two hours before you have a threesome.
I'm sorry I never said I wasn't coming home last night. To my defense I did type and send a text, only I was too drunk to realize I sent it to the guy I was with instead of you.
The Australian strangers convinced me to leave him behind when they started chanting Aussie Aussie Aussie, Oy Oy Oy, and told me they had a bunch of beer at their place.
I'm not trying to analyze you I'm just saying you are being unfair to soup
Do you know who these girls are? They're baking a cake, making chicken enchiladas, and bringing me beer everytime I finish one.
Randomize
