Can i not drive my cunt home
...i apologize for hitting you up so much tonight im just kinda in a little pickle. im going to sleep in my car near u so pretty plz lmk if you head home...
Just walked by a guy on campus YELLING 'Im still hammered'
dude last night I threw my weed into my back yard. there is now a foot of snow. after an hour I found my weed. if I put that effort into school, i'd have a 4.0.
we could easily be the first people to smoke 3 bowls and pound a Four Loco before goin on a tour of the Tillamook cheese factory
The cab driver referred to me as his little gumdrop, im sure he won't feel the same when he sees the vomit all over his floor.
You can't keep basing your relationship off of the fact that you both love ramen noodles
yea im pretty sure it has something do with my love of forearms...
no im not bringing booze its easy, you just challenge a drunk guy to beer pong, he'll hand you two beers, you lose on purpose, and everyone makes fun of you. but we laugh in the end for bringing nothing to a byob
My dick hurts from so many people grabbing it last night. We're not going back to that club
110% paid for our cab with a lap dance
There was a cop outside the house so we just put the alcohol in this watermelon
but it was less of a make out and more of a goodnight kiss as a "thanks for giving our drunk asses a ride home and sorry we called your bar the worst bar in LA"
Got too starbucks. 3out of the 4 girls working i have ducked and haven't ever called. My coffee has dick written on it. It may contain spit by pumpkin lattes are only once a year
Believe me honey Imma fuck the discount out of at least one plastic surgeon in my life
Randomize
