Friends don't let friends fuck ugly girls. WALK AWAY FROM HER!
i just sat at a stop sign for 10 minutes waiting for it to turn green. i need to STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT.
part of me always dies a little when i go to the "2 women seeking 1 man" section in craigslist's casual encounters to find nothing there. it's tragic
I woke up with a flask of whiskey and a mason jar full of sausage in my tux jacket. south georgia is where i belong
If that really is brett favre's penis, no wonder she ignored his calls
Is there a reason why the cops knew her name as they were chasing her?
He said his penis was a 1 woman penis with a conscience an I was that woman...technically a declaration of commitment rite?
Her stepmother interrupted our sex to tell her it was midnight and she wanted to do a sympathy shot for her 50th.
Don't break up.
I think my staff loses a little bit of respect for me every time you're in town. I may have to puke at work ...again.
HE'S BRINGING FRIED MAC AND CHEESE BITES. I GET FRIED MAC AND CHEESE AND SEX PEOPLE. BEST WEDNESDAY EVER.
Some girl dressed in nothing but Wonder Woman underwear and a cape on her ass just started twerking all over us. Remind me why I'd never been to a midnight of Rocky horror before?
I tell you, MacGyver never had to put up with people shitting themselves while he worked...
i've now hooked up with two guys who have tattoos of their sister's names...so that's a reality i have to live with...
Mom kept me on a leash as a kid, did you know this?
When she went in the beer store I got to hold it.
It's the kind of dick you travel across the country for
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