If I could text you the sound of me vomming, I would.
Worst sexual experience IN MY LIFE. And now i know why it makes jesus cry.
its like randi wears special contacts, but instead of colors they make her eyes say "I want cock"
"The real world" DC house is on the corner of 20th and S. Wanna come with to check it out? It's my goal to be a blurred out face in their hot tub.
I'm tempted to see how fat I can get before he leaves me. It's obvious we're playing a game of chicken here.
my step dad just called me a drunken slut..someone in my family finally understands me
I feel like I was just dunked in a tub of beer and then thrown in a giant dryer with rocks in it.
Okay good. And who the fuck put a condom on my foot. That shit hurt
The best thing about my promotion is that I now have an office with a door. I can take my naps in peace instead of leaning my head against the stall in the bathroom.
I can't believe they pay you six figures. I hate you.
I didn't hate myself when I woke up today, that's improvement right?
So I found the perfect "Yeah I gained weight since high school but it went to all the right places" outfit for the reunion this weekend.
I think I caught your cold through my vagina. It was worth it.
i tried to propose to him with my nipple ring but i couldnt figure out how to take it out
He started saying the pledge of allegiance so his boner would go down. Merica.
New life goal: fuck in the shopping cart
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