i woke up with someone drivers licenses in my wallet this am...he said i don't have a business card so just take my drivers license
So they call this "a walk of shame" but fuck that...this walk is fantastic. What kind of debbie downer came up with that name?
the line for where the wild things are looks like radiohead had sex with an urban outfitters
She makes me want to have breakfast margaritas every day
on the brightside, the semester can only get better from getting a dui at 8 am on the first day.
your optimism is becoming unhealthy
we traced the origins of this shit fest of a relationship back to a single instance of road head. then we did a reinacment
You insisted we put glow sticks on you so that we didn't lose you if you went pee in the dark.
I'm not sure any amount of coworker judgement will keep me from eating oatmeal with dinosaur eggs.
the number of desperate girls at the gym right now is unfair. it would be cruel not to let one blow me.
Let's learn from last year: Leave the handcuffs at home on St Patrick's Day.
Just saw a guy with two baby turtles sneaking into the building
well he somehow got his hand stuck in some bike spokes trying to reach for a blunt he dropped and that's NOT the reason he's in the hospital...?
It's funny because every time I go up and down the stairs it's an adventure. A A DRUNK ADVENTURE. PS I ALREADY THREW UP WTF
you can't tell me not to come to work cause roads are bad then ask me an hour later to come in and expect me to be sober
What do you mean relationship? He paid for my tires and I gave him a blow job.
Randomize
