Care to explain to me why theres a baby food jar filled with semen in my fridge? or why its labeled as unicorn sweat?
The look your mother gives you when she sees you masterbating on web cam is unlike any I've seen before, but this is a case where, I would say, ignorance is bliss.
Her brother is deaf.
no wonder she was so good with her hands
i got shots of sambuca dumped on my head last night. my bag still smells like licorice. making me nauseous.
it is a nice little reminder of the bruins dominance. if Vancouver had won, it would somehow smell of maple syrup.
VODKA 4LOKO BEER NOT IN THE CLEAR
Oh we will ALWAYS be together. Or I'll have to delete my Facebook altogether. I've drunkenly boobie trapped photos of us into every album. There's no way I'd ever have the patience to go through that deletion process.
and ive been naked for the greater part of the evening. alone, drunk, and naked. i think that is how all great interventions start.
Everyone at work loved my story about sobering up in a river with no bra on.
If I don't go to Australia I'm using that towards a new car. If I do I'll use it to buy a koala.
my spring break was before theirs and i literally fed him vodka all week, only stopping for class and bowls. like handles. i cant even think anymore, that chastity belt was hard to get off,
Seriously, I woke you up with tacos, I think I deserve the best girlfriend ever award
All I remember is an overwhelming desire for chicken nuggets...
Yes, you pinned my brother to the floor by the throat and threatened to slaughter his family if he didn't drive to mcdonalds and get you some.
I'm ne vrr drinkjng againnnnnnnn dforeal.
I may or may not be drinking in a church parking lot.
You asked me how red your eyes were... they were shut.
Randomize
