New word for getting laid so we don't sound like whores in public when we are talking about it : stamp the passport
the only time i'm productive on weed is when i drink.
Had her hockey skates on in the house. Whole floor is ruined.
Close your eyes and stop texting and think about puppies. You'll be fine.
It's just my hair. It brings natural happiness. Like goldfish, big boobs, and milkshakes.
Well this lady at the bar told me I was a natural on the tambourine and that it was my God given talent. and then she gave me a tambourine.
I don't want to be with anyone who doesn't accept me for who I am. eating cheeseburgers in bed is my favorite activity.
I defriended her. I just can't support someone whose profile picture is of their water birth.
Not my type, but the penis looks fun.
Ask him to get me chedder bratwurst instead of the molly
Unless if you guys already left. Then I want the molly
Idk what the interview would be like but I imagine you in a suit and tie surveying a nervous freshman and eventually leading him into a labyrinth of debauchery and clapping him on the back, saying "welcome to the fraternity, son"
The doctor said that if they accidentally damage my nerve endings I could permanently lose feeling in my lower jaw.. Honestly the first thing that came to mind was how that would affect my blowjob skills.
I thought the first time I got peed on it would be by a baby...
HE IS. YOU SHOULD TOUCH HIS BACK.
IT IS A COURTSHIP RITUAL.
THE MUTUAL BUTT TOUCH IS SACRED.
that's the second time my extensive knowledge of taylor swift has gotten me laid
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