cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
I think I have a pornographic memory.
Don't you mean photographic?
No.
I need to stop making out with boys in plain view of half my class.
He looked like Harry Potter. I had to do it.
You found Muppets From Space a little too intense, so you just sorta sat on the ground and stared at the wall plug for an hour and a half.
She was drinking straight whiskey out of her peacock shaped vase again.
please hold off on going into labor, i might need you to take me to the free clinic
She literally got down on all fours and I swear did a 360 degrees head rotation exorcist barf...and then moaned IT WAS THE TACO BEEEELLLLLL
so no, not her best night
Throwing up out both ends. This is not how I pictured adulthood.
Holy shit he's circumcised. His parents must have really loved him.
If I get to the point of singing Man of Constant Sorrow then please god let me do it, record it, then cut me off.
I just did the walk of shame..with a blanket and a cup that says i will out drink all you bitches. This was not how i pictured 25.
Well we were going to compare notes, but all I could remember was throwing up, and all she could remember was kissing, so then we decided to not compare anything.
It's okay to masturbate while watching the Comey testimony right?
If my body were a person, it would be beating the shit out of me for what I did to it last night.
I learned the hard way a garbage bag will not save you when jumping from a tree at 2am
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