is it a bad sign that i now think of my run-ins with cops as "skill building seminars"?
um, yeah. i think it is.
she would only give me a road handjob because she didnt want to unbuckle
safety first
Do the low cut shirt test. If he stares at your tits even in front of your brother, he's down.
She scratched my sunburn during sex. I didn't know whether to cry or cum
Never visiting again. You guys drink like immortals
Call me as soon as you're able to dial a phone. I just took a shit behind a building in broad daylight and need to get the fuck outta here soon.
Im on the side of I-10 covered in sweat, cookie dough, hollandaise sauce, onion gravy, and ground beef wondering how my life I ended up here
If I give you a key to my place you have to promise to one day wake me up with a blowjob.
And by one day I mean once every two weeks.
hey, you wanna get together over coffee or something?
is this code for 'i just got broke up with and i need a sympathy dicking'?
how did you know?
he asked me to lick his asshole and I told him his girlfriend could do that for him
I feel awkward giving career advice while naked
So... How much of our rent is drug money?
It makes me feel all patriotic & free... And borderline diabetic.
I wish i didn't black out tuesday so i could have cherished our moment together
Throwing up together is NOT a cherishable moment...
saying im screwed is like saying the titanic took on a little water.
Randomize
