she farted while i was going down on her. not doing that again
I'm way too drunk on a Sunday to handle this level of Jesus.
You know its bad when you can over hear the planned parenthood nurses talking shit behind your back... they've seen everything
I just snuked. Sneezed and puked
For sure. We should see if we can get Mike to pay for one, and have a triple kegger... :o==& (that's future me projectile vomiting. i try to be goal oriented)
1 in 5 deaths i nrussia is alcohol related. GO MOTHERLAND
Yeah he doesn't get it. We had to change the subject to Keanu reeves before someone got hurt.
He just keeps repeating "this isn't my bagel".. i'm worried for his safety
We should reintroduce naked Mondays
He was dressed as ron burgundy and his pickup line was "dont worry, i wont make you jump in a bear pit."
My younger brother just got high fives from all my guy cousins for fucking my best friend. I hate family gatherings.
Ate a live seahorse, then tried to order a nacho bell grande from an ATM.
How the fuck do you get to keep practicing as a Nurse.
I had my first "Damn Kids/When I Was That Age" rant at work today. We need to drink this feeling out of me. NOW.
Sorry about my sloppy drunk texts. I'm not sure talking about banging a near dead Jimmy Stewart was my finest moment
I once left mine in my bra and I forgot and I didn't notice it was there until it vibrated.
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