So I had sex in the woods... it was just as dirty as you'd expect it would be.. and not in a good way.
oh fat girl friday strikes again...
Just threw up my room service breakfast with my fake eyelashes and pearls still on.
he then proceeded to tear down my curtains, wrap them around his waist, and use the rod as his "rod"... you tell me how drunk he is...
They're watching TV in bed. The Golden Girls to be exact. Aaaand I just heard them singing along with the theme song. I love living with gays.
There is literally a guy in my class with a gallon of water and a trophy.
of course! give me a few hours to recover from chugging a 4loko out of a frisbee, and it will be rage time yet again
I just want to know who nailed the chicken nugget to the door.
Can I just say that you're probably one of my favorite people to have sex with and then eat hummus with at 3:45am?
So I feel like I should have had a going away party for your dick. Complete with balloons and cake. Yeahh that's right. I'm gonna miss it.
Are you alive?
I woke up under the pier.
Maybe it's because I walked straight up to that shelf of vodka with a look of determination that said "I mean business".
I usually have to have a cart! If that doesn't say "I mean business" then I don't know what does
we are not taking body shots with the irish cream
She really wants to hug you. With her vagina.
if I hear Wonderful Christmastime one more time I'm putting my foot up Paul McCartney's ass.
Randomize
