Were we dating when my roommates and I had the 'everyone gets laid' part?
Ya
I used to kick so much ass
We're facebook friends in real life
what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
so he was shitfaced and kept using sticky notes to label everything like "beer spill" and "going to fuck later"
i love how i spend my mornings exploring my phone to see what i did last night.
just saw 2 fat kids fight for the last slice of pizza. Litteraly fight. God Bless America
i mean, i stole her boyfriend and beat her snake score on facebook within 48 hours. not her week.
You know those creepy dolls that look like they are watching you from anywhere in the room? It was like that, but with his penis...
Poorly worded request for dick pic resulted in stoned beanie selfies and "lol". Miscommunication is the devil's cock block.
If I got to choose how I die, it would be in an Olympic sized pool of gin and tonic.
You have all semester to unpack your car, quarter jello shots only last until 10.
This guy on tinder just told me that he wanted to tie me up and asked me what I thought. I told him I wanted tacos
I love how encouraging you are, but I need you to stop me when the guy I'm going home with is a dead ringer for Nick Cage.
THERE IS A MOTHERFUCKING HUMMINGBIRD FLYING AROUND IN OUR HOUSE RIGHT NOW HOW DO I GET IT OUT????
But I put cranberries and apples in my wine so it's festive drinking not suicidal drinking
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