Awkward is getting caught beating off in the company bathroom...
she says her boyfriend and her dignity are both out of town tonight
Apparently I farted on her in my sleep. Then, just to be sure she was cool, I did it again on purpose and she didnt say anything. So, WIN?
There is a half eaten corn dog and soy sauce on the counter... WTF did you eat last night??
She brought up feelings... her days are numbered
I just threw up blood. Also i just remembered i got hit in the face with a 2 by 4.
Got in a bar fight defending Prince. Thought you ought to know. He gets his dick sucked cooking eggs for breakfast.
I'm going on a new diet. It's called the "eat healthy otherwise boys won't want to have sex with your fat ass" diet. Wish me luck.
Almost bit the guy's hand who sits in front of me because he was stretching. That. Bored.
HIV testing and a light brunch. Sounds like a great way to spend Christmas Eve.
Maybe you'll have a Christmas miracle
Friends don't let friends put redi whip in their wine
He used one of his curtains as a leash and hand restraints. He wins the creative sex challenge hands down.
As he was cumming he yelled "Yahtzee" then said im free to go. Thats my one night stand
Who knew I could feel anymore shameful at the bar than i usually do...I think my bartender recognizes me from the walk of shame out of his house after i hooked up with his son yesterday
Its nights like last night that make me want to high five my liver.
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