i puked out the bus window last night on the way home. i remember it, but i don't remember everyone else screaming to put their windows up.
when i woke up i was missing $380 from my bank account
damn...impressive bar tab
no i guess i bought a gasoline powered blender off ebay, i need a breathalyzer for my computer
ID DO HER
SHE HAS LUMPS OF DEODORANT IN HER ARMPIT, I THINK ONE FELL IN YOUR DRINK
Oh. My. God. Best non-relationship, he-might-be-cheating-on-his-boyfriend-but-I-can't-tell-because-of-the-language-barrier sex EVER!
Her life must suck. All she's got is "Miss Shamrock" WHICH SHE LOST!
he took his pants off right in front of me then just stood there so i went for his boxers and he said he was waiting till marriage
How are you going to be there by 9am?
Relax I always go to these conferences hung over
You say that like it's a positive quality
chinese tourists just took a picture of me....im pretty sure i heard the bus drive say something about shame.
Sunburnt clitoris. How do I deal with it.
Ok not good, my info has definitely been submitted to this sugar daddy website before.
I'm offering you baseball tickets and my vagina, isn't that enough?
I got an assistant at work. First task was picking me up at a strip club. I was drunk and trying explain how it was work related
You were hitting on girls while wearing the banana suit. When they rejected you you yelled "I gotta split anyway."
Just so you know. And I'm telling you this because I care deeply for you. Blue raspberry poptarts taste exactly the same as the regular raspberry ones.
I guarantee you he will only fuck with old bitches from now on
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