six shots in, he is hammered and doing stretches before each shot
her orgasm sounded like a fucking walrus crying.
Clothes are such an inconvenience.
At least I wasn't still dressed as a bottle of dom perignon when they took me to the ER
It was one of those you-have-no-other-way-home-and-we-already-made-out-so-I-guess-youre-coming-home-with-me-if-you-promise-to-leave-early kind of deals.
He told me I was a pleasure to arrest. That's the 2nd time I've heard that.
Ong my arms are moving wo my consent
Well it's 2pm. Time for another game of "Who, What, Where". The game where you try to guess who this girl is, what happened last night, and where'd your shit go. I'm going for 1/3 today.
That's better than I've done so far.
I took a hang over nap infront of the door to my 9am class
No fucking judgements. You know me. Chinese food vent sessions are safe places.
I know I've never told you this before.. but Gyro sauce makes everything okay.
You used your chihuahua as a pillow screaming "HE'S A PILLOW AND A PET" and proceeded to puke in the dog bed
im so sad I can't openly talk about acid tab Sundays
I've come to the conclusion that my issue is I'm not fucking a guy with a headboard
Soooo, hypothetically, how long would roommates have to sleep together before its considered dating...
Randomize
