I want your puppy
I meant pussy
I would rather you take my puppy
You yelled "bananas are an excellent source of pottasium!"4 times in the middle of class. how do you not remember?
I don't even know what potassium is.
i just realized i dont have a sober facebook picture since 2007
I wonder if you can snort coke upside down
I tried to fuck this guy who I'm pretty sure has an erectile dysfunction
When he left he said something to the effect of "well now that I've been used..." I think he may be on to me.
I'm standing in the shower drinking with the light off and a candle lit, listening to Amy Winehouse. Be proud.
She trust falled out of a window. It was like that scene from A Little Princess but with a lot more blood.
Too bad you can't keep me under your desk. You'd love that wouldn't you? Massages, blowjobs, and I'd be forced to be quiet all day.
You're tall, so I have high hopes for your dick.
I think I just legit sprained my wrist from holding myself up while giving a blow J. God dammit come already
If TJ is short for Trader Joe, I'm gonna fuck him
Strip club, what strip club did I eat a steak at? That's the appropriate question
Also, your girlfriend apologized to me about yesterday. That was nice of the cunt.
It's Friday you fucking nerd of course I'm drunk.
Randomize
