about to play the homeward bound drinking game. alone. what are you doing tonight?
I seriously dont think i have ever ridden a horse sober.
I'm sweating while I eat mac and cheese. That fat.
Theres a truck parked on the front yard and i just want to take this opportunity to tell you now that it is not my fault.
I apologize for forcing you to look at my boob when we were high. It was uncalled for
That was around the time you tried to kick me out for being rude to your fish.
You know, last years football game was epic, but seeing the same girl that gave you a bj in the parking lot, in the same parking spot...that's fate.
Just like to put it out there it's surprising how little reception a dog cage has
So I'm dropping a fat deuce at work, and the lock on the stall door slips and the door slides open, when suddenly someone comes in. Now I have two options, I can either get up quickly and try to shut the door quickly (not easy to do with one hand) or I can just sit there and play it off like it's no big deal and I always dump at work with the door open. I chose option two, and it was as awkward as it sounds.
She called to say the cops were not fake cops. some one has to go get her in an hour
Just laying in bed with my vibrator eating cold tortillas and listening to Savage Garden.
Apparently I have decided there are no repercussions for my actions
Just threw up in a baggy on the airplane. The guys next to me clapped and bought me a jack and coke.
Livin the dream
I don't think he knows you can have sex sober...
We’ve got a propane heater on our back porch if you want to come over and eat a McRib in peace
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