Call 911 I'm faking my own death so this fat chick leaves my room
i just won "most creative" category in the condom contest in human sexuality by licking it onto a cucumber. my feedback forms included three phone numbers, one with a Magnum XL taped to it
Your lower body and my face have had way too much contact lately.
Ima go for a jog. and I'm going to jog until I throw up a lung. then I'll crawl home.
ATTENTION ALL CONTESTANTS OF SLUTFEST 2012 ; not only will we be judging on how many penis you have sucked but also girth and length will be calculated. If you are found lying you will be disqualified. Remember your fellow participants will be rendering the same services to probably the same people. So choose wisely and let the games begin!
Faces of meth called, they want their look back.
Yeah, my new jeep also came with custom license plates that read 4SKIIN. Not "4 skin" but "4 skiing" thanks mom and dad
Can we talk about the fact that a stranger is doing a line of coke off our living room table right now?
but seriously, an anthropology paper shouldn't be hard if you're trashed, right?
I'm like a freaking volcano of life and sexual frustrations
Comedy Central is in dire need of more sitable faces late at night - Trevor Noah has a baby face - there are federal rules against those types of sexual fantasies
We had sex to Hey Arnold, Rugrats, and All That. I feel like my life has come full circle.
I just brought her a lipstick taser. So just remember that the next time you get smart with her
My new superpower is making fuckboys disappear!
Bending dicks and egos since 2002
Hey? Just a hypothetical. You ever accidentally kill somebody's cat on purpose? Like you didn't mean to but it had it coming? If you're wondering it tripped me while I was walking down the stairs and I landed on it as I fell.
Randomize
