I just high-fived this girl after she swallowed.
Have you ever noticed every guy named Shaant has scene hair and date girls with racoons stripes in theirs
His name should be shouldn't
I am far too drunk to be making a tuna melt . There's blood EVERYWHERE.
Just smoked a bowl with the exterminator. I think my day is more productive.
He fell and asked for a beer and a band-aid.
HE GOT FOURTEEN STICHES
Why is the garage door in the middle of the street?
At this point do you think buying mom a pot plant would be funny or highly inappropriate?
I poured myself a glass of chocolate chips at some point during the evening.
We picked up some guys dressed as shamrocks at taco bell. I will text you with further information.
He was president of his frat and had a clap on disco ball in his room... or course I slept with him
I'm about to initiate a game of drunk UNO.
Drunk UNO has officially been banned from now until forever.
I planned on emotionally scarring him for life this weekend. DAMN YOU PERIOD!
my goal for the rest of college is to escape STD free. fuck getting a job. this is more important.
My roommate fed me my birth control pill while I was hungover laying on the couch so that's how my morning has been
No I kepy moaning and just called out a name to make them believe I was actually having sex instead of masturbating.
Randomize
