I tried to tell him it was only 2:00, but he said since it was 5:00 in New York, it was perfectly acceptable. He then put on a Blues Brothers hat and a pair of wayfarers and left. I expect him home in a few hours with a police escort.
we're doing beer bongs from the windmill...epic
At least we kept it together. It's people like him who yell at bushes that give acid a bad name
He called me while he was having sex and asked if I wanted to go get mcdonalds
im shotgunning beers in the kitchen. alone. the cat is judging me.
His IQ is so high, I swear I started ovulating when he told me the number.
If you haven't seen a huge black man in tiny red snowflake shorts that barely cover his dick, then you don't know what I'm going through.
I'm watching the Brazzers version of Mary Poppins and enjoying it. Volume on and all. 45 minutes.
Yeah probably not. I have a hair appt, a gun class, and hopefully a boy to fuck. I'm booked.
Jesus christ. I put you on speaker when you called me last night and you told me to brush my teeth with a dick.
I'm sitting here with a heating pad and a fan on me eating snow caps off of my boobs
Are you seriously getting this frustrated over a hand-job right now?
However many condoms you have, it isn't enough.
Someone wrote "LazerSwords" on my cock last night. My erect cock. Tequila is no one's friend.
And then she grabbed my dick and started singing 'ring ring ring ring banana phone'
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