This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner.
Definitely just saw the guy I went on a date with Friday night dressed in medeival knight gear on the quad preparing for battle. Oh my God.
I feel like after all he sees, the dog needs to get baptized.
I'm not as easy in Europe as I am in the US
Only because you can wipe your slut slate clean & start anew. It's a little known benefit of our currency exchange.
I almost bumped into a man wrapped only in a blanket at 10 am
I love my life sometimes. I do miss being an adult, from time to time, but a little vodka always changes my mind.
I'm 99% sure I just puked glitter. Wine drunk Mondays shouldn't be a thing.
I came in shy and timid. By the end of the night I hulked out broke two lamps, their coffee table, some plates, and still had sex.
I'm naked in a forest ranger station right now
Yeah I blacked out in a wiener costume.... I think I'm ready to come home now.
Just try not to have a boner when you're giving your best man speech, it will really kill the vibe
really who shits their pants then locks themselves out of their apartment? ... I threw my underwear out in a random bathroom
One of my nipples looks nothing like the other...i don't know how this happened
Well I just masturbated while reading a recipe for Alfredo sauce so I guess you could say I’m growing up
Legit just heard the bartender tell some Dude "Penis is not an accepted currency in this establishment" and Dude responded "You take Vagina then?"
Randomize
