ugh, i have officially sinned in all of my cute clothes. i can't even wear any of them without feeling regret.
What happened to the watermelon?
You fucked it.
i have to get rid of the hedgehog.
Does it come with a cage?
yes. and food and toys.
i'll trade you an 8th for it
deal.
i chugged some hot sauce before i gave him head. i think a burning penis is a great way to say fuck you
1 month til my stepdad becomes a u.s. citizen, so if you want to get in on the divorce pool its your last chance, $5 a square.
Just remembered I hit myself in the face with a bottle then did the nose test and decided I was still good. Don't think anyone noticed.
well you're talking about the girl who after 4 years, several relationships and several fuck buddies, has yet to have sex in an actual bed
Oh man I'm using the bubble wrap that wraped my new vibrator to wrap my dads fathers day gift
How high are you?
I feel like breakfast can just fly into my mouth
When he swipes my v card it will be comparable to my bat mitzvah. should I make sweatshirts or sweatpants?
If they could bottle a hangover it would taste exactly like lemon lime Gatorade and failed hopes and dreams
I'm only friends with her because I can't stop watching the train wreck.
Please don't throw the wedding bouquet at me
So how does one go about leaving their family vacation to hang out with someone they met on tinder
mcfuck me up
MCFUCK ME UP INSIDE
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