They past out watching a re-run of the 1984 presidential debate on cspan
He managed to light the Jello on fire...
i just remember pinky promising you guys to take care of him.
I'm wearing a shirt that says "birthday girls #1 homo" ...what has my life come to?
The best part of my day was getting high in the parking lot of the movie theater and taking pics in the photo booth with the caption "CONGRATULATIONS!" we geeked out because it congratulated us for getting high
Just had to hide the fact that I'm not wearing underwear from my 7 year old niece.
Check the mailbox while you're out!
I already looked this morning. You go check and see what you won on Ebay after your day drinking spree.
"Little drunk?" Honey you were "livetweeting" Sublime's "Sublime" album while it was playing in his car, and at one point you said you hoped they play Santeria. "Little drunk" doesn't cover it.
the reputation of my dick game is on the line. You're killing the team, here, G
I need my daily rules like rule one don't put your dick in the vacuum cleaner
She just called at a dance party, and you stopped mid puke to join. Another successful night.
look, my penis is an amusement park, and it's closed for maintenance. why can't you just accept that?
After she got off the phone with her mom she sprinted down the block screaming "I'M SO GOOD AT BEING A HUMAN!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
I texted him back and I am so nervous I may vomit up all of the soup I just ate.
I once went to target high on hydrocodone. I assure you, they can handle unrespectable.
Randomize
