to cover up your slurred speech you tried talking like the creepy old man from family guy
just googled chastity belt to see if it really exist..
i'm surprised you didn't wake up. like i literally came when he was fingering me as i was spooning with you and all you did was mumble "that's a good idea, mom" and pull the sheets away from me.
Did I tell you I had a charge show up for $36 on a credit card I haven't used in 6 months from Wild Wings? It was that night we slept across the street from the bar.
the water pistols in the freezer are full of voddka.
so the good news is that i can't possibly burn my eyelashes off tonight at the bbq.
This old guy just saw me toking on my bubbler before I go to the dentist. He gave me the nod.
Some girl just showed me her stretch marks
You need to get out of tn
Thanks for bailing me out last night guys. it's bullshit that everbeering people at bars is illegal. bitches have no sense of adventure anymore
This is irresponsible on your part, leaving me alone in a bar.
If you take a post shower shit just get back in bed. You're better off starting your whole morning all over again.
She said she forgot something.. and when she came out she was carrying a garden gnome, and a bottle of vodka. she was too hot to question it.
Their children would look like the Michelin man and smell like chef Boyardee
So then we ended up at a bar full of navy SEALs and I got one of them to take his shirt off, then I felt him up
I feel like 31-year old me is 21-year old me's hero
Probably some sort of karmic revenge for me looking at titties somewhere along the way
and for that you shall suffer
God: I won't strike you down, but I shall introduce your child to Doja Cat during a quarantine
Randomize
