Considering the face that your still in jail Im gunna go with no.
he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
dude she's married.
so? a ring don't cover no holes.
i was like a deer caught in headlights with its coke-dick hanging out
I am about to be in my happy place. (the shower with a 6 pack)
I cant. There's fences everywhere and I think I have a boyfriend. Its fabulous.
Dude, this is like the 4th time today I've had to use cruise control for a 25mph zone. This hangover is never fucking gonna end.
I feel like death gave me a hand job
Well on the plus side I have started adding benefiber to my bottle of wine
I have 39 hot sauces from Chipotle
It's like earning obesity badges
just saw a guy snowshoeing to the liqour store
was it you?
...yes
I have a present for you
Like a legit gift, not just me showing up and getting naked
That's a lot of people she's fucked in one picture.
I'm waiting for your stupid pizza and this 400 lb drunk man is behind me singing the acapella version of Elevation by U2
Ok, there are marshmallows shaped like elephants
Randomize
