the last thing i remember is you screaming lets hunt humans.
Listen, what he fails to understand is that the Olive Garden does not equal pussy.
My dick was out way too much saturday not to get laid
I feel like a fucking princess. Like an heiress of a kingdom of drugs.
Btw I'm currently writing a paper in a beer garden. Be proud.
Hey guys guess what I found in my bed this morning? I wish it was a man..but it was a potato
It's the 30 sec rule.... the worst that could happen is I could die
God, please protect all woman from micro-penises
I'm about to turn myself in when I'm less hungover.
Only you could go on vacation to visit family and hook up with a pro NFL player from Tinder
There were firefighters and a fire truck up the street. I asked what was wrong and their exact words were "Just a tiny explosion; it'll be all right"
I seriously feel like I just crawled out from under a shit covered rock. I'm NEVER drinking like that again...well, not for alteast a solid 3 hours.
so i fell out of a tree on the ave last night. someone told me there was alcohol at the top. bastards.
I rewired his car so that every time he hits the gas the horn and the OnStar turn on every time he hits the brake the panic alarm goes off.
Our sex sesh was interrupted by a bunch of hobos fighting outside his apartment.
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