That guy youre talking to looks like Brian from Family Guy.
Sometimes when I see pregnant women, I wonder what position they were in when they got knocked up. Then I gag a little.
the other night i did but this one wasnt and it was so random. i was hooking up with this boy who wanted to roleplay and pretend to be snakes
threw up in a bar last night and got laid on an air mattress. my bucket list just got a lot shorter
He tried to say "god bless your heart" to the stripper but it came out "god bless your pussy"
Real friends wouldn't let me shotgun a 4loko after already seeing me trying to eat a girl out through her jeans.
There's so much relief when you realize you wake up in your own bed
She's more than welcome to come too, so long as she has gotten over that me being responsible for the death of her cat thing.
judging by the mobile uploads you added of me last night, we cant keep living this way.
What the fuck am I going to do with a pinata full of tampons?
Get here, there are important joints to be smoked and pies to be eaten
I'm seriously considering refraining from drinking on school nights.
I like how you say that with 4 school days left of the school year..
He caught a cramp during sex and I was like "do you want me to get you a banana?" And he responded with "I'll give you a banana" and kept going. I'm marrying him.
The struggle bus has heated seats and stops at Dunkin on Friday mornings so I'll be okay.
I like the new guy, he keeps beer in the fridge.
Randomize
