So the hot 23 year old i went home with last night is really 17 and was here for orientation.. i feel like a pedifile...
In that case, you should probably come up to the union, orientation is in full swing, your kind of guys ;)
cunt.
you were so drunk you tried to use the microwave as a calculator for your BAC
i came out of my blackout when my grandma called last night. it kinda sobered me up and i realized who i had been making out with. should i call and thank her for the defensive cockblock?
this boner is fucking legendary. i should name it and celebrate its birthday every year
Do you ever just think "I could really go for a good 30 minute blowjob". I do. Everytime jill smiles.
Well, I'm eating cake, watching wedding videos of people I don't know, and crying. Clearly I'm a vision of mental health today
I figured out plans for New Year's and by figuring out I mean I've got a sugar bowl of cocaine. Start at 10?
He fucked a girl named Oreo... He deserved syphilis.
I'm looking for mother nature. And when I find her, I'm looking her right in the eyes and telling her to fuck off.
Drunk girl in a bikini just tried to bite my face, it's officially spring break
I am pretty sure we beat baby seals over the head in a past life. That is why we are being punished.
It was like in the Christmas carol when the guy pulls his robe back and 2 small children appear... except this time it was a massive scrotum
You threw up a gallon of vomit. I really have never seen anything like it in my decade of partying.
I let a drunk straight girl spank me with a metal paddle at the bar tonight. Remind me to never do that again.
I just chased my birth control with Smirnoff. Shit's about to go down.
Randomize
