I found my crush's facebook page. And his wife's. Apparently they are still in love. Of all the people to have happy marriages! Fuck, I'm depressed.
she definitely has that "I'll bang you, but then I'll tell your girlfriend" look to her.
Fell asleep in bio again. Sometimes i feel like college is just one really expensive nap.
it's a little hard to watch the basketball games with my family considering they keep cheering for the guy that i had a one night stand with...
Some guy stole lobsters by hiding them in his pants. We should strive to be like him.
Headed to the bar now. If I smell faintly of latex and tuna, it's just the new scent I'm trying.
There's no point in calling it Big Titties Tuesday if girls with big tits don't get anything special
Sat in the shower and reenacted the "Wiggle your big toe" scene from Kill Bill. THAT hungover.
I'll be there in 10. I need you naked and ready. Warm up.
I apologize for tapping your ass. It was a friendly tap. Like Casper. Ya know
I sang Seal's Kiss From a Rose to my quesadilla
Whatever, ill dance on the bar at applebees, don't try and act like you're above it.
Give it up bro. I’m not wearing pants or a bra and only an act of god could change that
wait i saw you last night?
we found you ass naked on the couch covered in pillows.
WHO CARES HE GIVES YOU TOE CURLING ORGASMS AND SAYS YOU HAVE KISSABLE SKIN AND RUNWAY MODEL HAIR....WHILE INTOXICATED WITH HIS BEST FRIEND. AND THEN HE SENDS YOU CUTE SELFIES OF THEM!!!!!!! WTF MORE DO YOU WANT FROM LIFE!!! DIE HAPPY ALREADY LADY!!!
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