what are you wearing?
Just my guilt
note to self, drunkenly bedazzeling the silverware was a stupid fucking idea
My dildo fell into the bathtub. It sounded like a chainsaw.
But I feel like studying my flashcards during a blowjob would be rude...
She said she'd heard about my nickname in high school. Apparently sledgehammer isn't as popular as you'd believe...
I needed to do something spontaneous, and since no one had coke this was the next best thing.
Apparently drunk me thought it was time for a career change. I woke up with a message from Mcdonalds saying that I was hired as the new cashier.
And the night ended with some random dude pissing on a car in a vain attempt to find a proper bathroom. We, the drunk, salute you, sir!
Okay. This morning the comforter was wet, you were underwearless and using a tiny blanket. What'd you do??
I'm not going to say what I did. You're smart enough to figure it out. But I did it. And you owe me 20$
so I definitely just chased tequila shots with a biscuit covered in sausage gravy
Thats fucking manlier than riding a bear into battle
as your best friend, I hope we never outgrow 'I Just Got Laid' texts
dude kate found out i cheated and busted in while i was taking a shit. I was cornered, nothing i could do
so drinking tonight?
Be there in 15
I think I need practice at oral sex
I own a practice facility.
When we were finished she immediately got up, cut a star out of a piece of paper, colored it gold, taped it to my chest and deemed me the Sheriff of Sex.
Randomize
