How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
my mom just served us mashed potatoes with an ice cream scoop. When I asked her why, she said she thought it would make dinner 'more fancy'...
You love popeyes more than me
does delicious chicken come out of your vagina?
If i off myself, it'll be in a lobster costume in the hot tub with butter...
Is it a problem that I find my wife's 16 year old niece sexy?
Just made a drug deal by throwing my money to my dealers window and receiving weed the same way. We are the definition of typical lazy stoners.
Arguably, the best part was cockblocking those squirrels.
I woke up to her staring at me in a corner moaning over and over again about how good the pie crust tasted
No that's sign language, not a drinking game. I tried to join
Riding on an electric horse at the grocery store... dunno how that conversation went but I hope you picked up a 12 pack.
no dude I'm not doing anything bad to her...remember she's always the DD she has blackmail material on literally all of us
He actually has his life put together though, during the date we walked by a shoppers drugmart where my friend and I once flashed a janitor and all I could wonder was how does he not see shit show written all over me?
Because the guy guy doing the drawing either wanted to bone, or wanted us to stop entering the contest. Either way, we got concert tickets so I'm cool with both scenarios.
Fuck him and his perfect arms, huge penis and relentless ability to ignore me.
I told him to take his man panties off and take the fucking Jaeger bomb already, so no to a 2nd date
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