It's not a real calculator it's a math calculator
He kissed a someone with a penis
Rule #1. Nothing comes between you and fantasy sports. Not even a hot chick willing to give you a blow job
It could have went better. They kicked us out of the casino and I drunkenly whipped her across the face with a fishing pole. Long story.
Friends help friends remove their foot from the sunroof after an epic smoke sesh.
Gotcha. Well, I'm puking and trying to keep down water from a mug that says "love the moment" around the rim. Not loving this particular moment.
You know our reunion in two weeks shall be a drunken bikini clad magical adventure right
I drank half a bottle of wine while watching the Olympics opening ceremonies. I catcalled at handsome athletes. Stop me.
God fucking bless the man who invented the vibrator. Bless him and all his descendants. I think I saw the face of God tonight
Sometimes I really think that if... When your stoned you have a catlike ability to just relax in any position
he sent me the greatest dick pic I've ever received.
he actually took the time to cut a fingertip off of a glove then put it on his dick like a beanie. he called it hipster dick.
You put on a bike helmet, yelled "doesn't matter fuck it" then punched a stick the fire
I left at 4:30 in the morning and I told him it was because I had to take my contacts out
the good news is I finally used my captain america waffle maker to make captain america waffles
He deliberately gets me high because he knows I fuck better and then I make food for two. I don't know if I should feel mad or proud of him for thinking that far.
Randomize
