whatcha mean you cant get rid of genital warts? thats not what my girlfriend says
you missed a midterm to shack? WOW. How desperate are you?
That's it, I refuse to live in a world where sparkly vampires beat Batman at anything.
She told me to "stuff her hole like a build-a-bear". I was so drunk I didn't even think that was weird.
she just totaled her parents new car because there was a bee in the car. So she crashed into a light pole to kill it.
I want to punch and suck your dick at the same time. I don't think we have the healthiest of relationships.
No, i went to get it done but the guy couldnt find it. exhibit A of why i wanted a clit piercing in the first place.
sorry for allegedly lighting the beer pong balls of fire
If I don't have tequila in my hand soon, I'm going to have to violate human rights laws
I was chasing disarono with Bacardi and watching ice cube movies. It would have been an epic birthday if I wasn't by myself and actually had some decent friends.. Hint. Asshole.
My goal is to be drunk before we even get out of the No Wake Zone.
We need to leave a grand offering for the god of free booze and salvia.
Note to self, the correct response when a guy tells you he likes you as a person is not "ew"
In any case. I fucked a married couple recently. Know what a straight person would've done there? Been super weirded out by 1/3 of the genitals there, that's what.
Apparently I have a "problem" because I enjoy doing bong rips in the shower
Randomize
