Seriously? Do you have me saved in your phone as 'check every 3 months to see if she's single yet'?
I wish we were homeless so drinking on the streets was acceptable.
He then proceeded to tell me about his enlarged lymph nodes, his"severe" case of blue balls.
So befoe we go on this mission how reliable are you for bailing peope out of jail
I feel like a squirrel prepping for the winter on dollar beer nights.
when i saw his roomate the next night he kept openly referring to me as "the girl who orgasms loud" when he would try to get my attention
His water bottle is sitting on my coffee table like a monolith dedicated to the things he is not doing to my vagina.
Is he the circus guy or the bi-curious street preacher?
I have an epic ass bruise from a wheel tonight and I am drunk now because I decided vodka heals all wounds.
I want morning sex. We can incorporate maple syrup into it somehow, it'll be fun
The amount of times I have been emergency drunk in the past 72 hours is staggering
We literally solved our fight using cat pictures on Instagram. True love.
Do exhausted, barely concealed hand jobs count as joining the mile high club?
and i walked downstairs to find my brother using nunchucks, and making the appropriate noises. i simply asked "why"; his reply? "why the fuck do you think?". i love my family.
Drunk. Send nudes. Just curious.
Randomize
