If I remember correctly, I may have been smoking a cigarette on the dance floor. This is the true sign of a douchebag in his native habitat...fmylife
and then you yelled "out of the way, i'm a lifeguard!" and everyone let us through
After throwing up, the toothpaste tasted so good. Thank you for not letting me eat it.
You fell on your face and the waitress just brought you a fresh drink
Apparently I was so drunk I threw my entire wallet at the stripper on stage. That was the third time I should've gotten kicked out.
I think I sprained my soul last night
In that case, I'll try 2 find a date. But my options are AA friends or fuck buddies.
The only thing you accomplished yesterday was dry humping me on the floor of my work place WHILE I was working.
Just took adderall with about half a bottle of red wine...i have stopped trying for this last exam
Best part about a crippling state-wide drought? Actually having a valid excuse for not showering
He sent me a slow motion video of him jerking off...it was so long (the video not his dick) even I felt awkward watching it alone
is buying liquor on my lunch break too aggressive?
I'm literally spending $165 to fly to Arizona to have a sex road trip coming back
Success! We fucked roommates!
i am also 80% sure that my shirt glows in the dark.
Randomize
