It really wasn't that bad. Well, it was pretty bad, but only in 3 second bursts.
Whats the glycemic index on semen?
just prayed to lady gaga in hopes it will help me pass my fashion merchandising final...what is my life?
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns.
nothing says "we're all in this together" like the herpes she passed around to our entire group of friends
Ummm I just broke my no puke streak at church
Can you tell me how this chicken finger got in my pillow case?
I'm in the sex attic, crying, eating french toast and taco
Someone left their drag queen on my couch. On the plus side, he sure does know how to make a mean cup of coffee.
I sang "A Whole New World" while I took his virginity
That is awesome that you did that.
you said you wanted to call me grandma and give me hugs
I'm sorry, that really sucks. I'm in the bath eating lasagna and if anyone comes in here it's going to be bad news for them
Just walked past the field playing Jesus music with a fanny pack full of condoms and beer. Happy Sunday.
I used an emoji to tell him I was pregnant. I should feel bad about that, right?
Driving, getting head and talking to your boss on the phone is not a good combination. I nearly died
Randomize
