i need to break up with him. i realized this while i was making a mental grocery list while we were having sex. this is not the first time i've done that.
he was terrible at kissing, so i just kept letting him motorboat me. he seemed very pleased with my choice
I think im gonna have to stop sexting on the metra. The middle aged businessman behind me just leaned over and whispered 'dirty girl' and highfived his seatmate.
Jessi just used the excuse "it's not you it's me" to get out of getting a lap dance.
he stopped during sex, told me i smelled like McDonald's and went harder..
My asshole is basically a geyser at this point. Minus the excitement. Plus blood.
What are you doing St Patricks day? I'm banned from all work parties with open bar ever since the cinco de mayo party that I dumped a drink on my co-workers head and played air guitar on my boss' ankle cast.
I have a very important question for you: what are some good rules to have if we want to turn the nfl draft into a drinking game?
i think you may have a shot to cock block in a moment. just saying.
Wake up an cock block please bc these are noises i dont ever want to hear again
I have never thoroughly inspected the geometry of my nipples until now. How do I fix this?
I have the rest of my life to settle down this is totally time for friends and pizza
You know how I said I hit my head so hard I saw two of him and tried to make out with both? Well, it turns out he has a twin.
And then I realized my chick friends consist only of sober you, drunk you and hungover you
I think next time I give head I'm gonna try making the chewbacca noise.
I look forward to it
Idk what's happening right now but im wearing a tutu and pissed as fuck.
Randomize
