It's amazing how much jurassic park has contributed to my life recently
i just compared eating a chick out to "gargling a cheeto"
is not sure whether or not everyone at the club last night calling me a-easy is a good thing?
Well today was Thanksgiving Anti-Miracle Daydrinkathon so I had to be drunk by 2pm
Sexual tension squid is drowning in the sexual tension
Her hair goes down to her lower back and nobody was there to held it back for her. She looked like chewbacca dipped in vomit.
I just woke up eating some beef jerky with my cat. I think she opened the bag for us.
I think a van full of parolees just blew me kisses. Thoughts?
I wanna send them a card but I don't think hallmark makes a "sorry your fiance and another girl blew me at the same time in a frat house but congrats!" card
How does one un superglue their foot to the floor
Eating chips and sending nudes. This is my life.
Dude, who WASN'T thinking of motorboating her?
It may be a clusterfuck, but I'll be looking classy as shit as I watch the nightmare unfold
you put your dick on my shoulder this morning like it was a fucking parrot
If it makes you feel any better, I can't find the goldfish I dropped like five minutes ago.
Randomize
