Try denying you're gay when "I'm Not A Girl, But Not Yet A Woman" comes on Shuffle.
I really don't understand how I cannot figure out how to work a fucking can opener when I'm hungover. Yet I still retained the ability to take a perfectly symmetrical picture of my erect penis and send it to every person in Matt's contacts the night before.
I just miserably failed my own drug test. At least I know what a positive will look like when I give them to the employees tomorrow.
there are way too many $1s in my wallet for last night to have been 'tame'
No no no no no. Not interrested. She looks just like Kim's fat booth picture. Only real.
there was so much ham clogging the tub drain.. he said it was ok he has a cleaning lady
On a scale of one to america, how free are you this weekend?
Year anniversary in a month. Think I'll just give him a COME ON MY FACE FREE card. I'm both broke and shameless.
At some point I'd like to figure out how the weird kid from sociology ended up on my couch naked hugging what appears to be some sort of clothing....seriously it's creeping me out
okay just a general question, but if i got arrested, who here would bail me out. this is important.
As I was sneaking out of his house last night his moms lover was sneaking in, he held the door for me...
I'm watching sex and the city with my wine and Wendy's. I'm not sure if this is single woman empowerment or not.
yeah that bottle of rum is only the second thing I want that kid to be pulling out of his pants
So I'm just casually at the grocery store when I remember that there's still a clove of garlic in my vagina
What's the polite way to tell someone she's a grown ass woman and she needs to start acting like it.
Randomize
