rolled in at 7am w/ 2 girls i met at the strip club. my neighbor was getting up to mow the lawn before he took his kids to school. i'm 31. he's younger. if given the chance, you think he'd want to switch places?
sorry i walked in and ruined it, but i had to laugh she looked like a pile of bologna the way you had her pinned up on the wall
after last night, i judge her for not breaking up with me
All i remember was he was wearing billibong pants... well actually my mom found that out for me.
For someone who "only drinks patron" your lack of pickiness with men alarms me
you passed out on the bathroom floor with the door locked. we had to break in and no one was sober enough to move you so they just threw a towel on you and stepped over you
dude she was so drunk she thought Jim Joyce made the right call
There's limited edition cherry vanilla nyquil. It's like they know how much I hate myself and they're giving me a consolation prize.
Dude, she puked up her Plan B, then reached in the toilet and re-swallowed it. That chick does NOT want a baby
Got home. Hugged Mom. The look on her face indicated she noticed nipple rings.
he laminated a picture of his dick.
I'm legit concerned I might pass out this weekend from having too much sex.
whenever he tweets that he wants to get blackout it's like a neon sign for "i want to bang you tonight"
That's the ultimate walk-of-shame: running away from your own apartment and hiding in a McDonald's.
Me and Jason had to grab your legs and arms and drag you in the house. You kept screaming "leave me for dead"
Randomize
