Adam has been drinking
Who has his phone
Adam does
i think im having one of those erections lasting four or more hours
Margaritas ran out of lime juice. Substituted Jaeger. Jaegerita not good.
I have new birth control, three bottles of jack, and some coupons for micky d's. You wanna have that sleepover?
Shaun got a portable breathalyzer for christmas so now we can tell who the biggest pussy is at the end of the night.
2 rounds of irish car bombs have already been taken to your 5 year sober anniversary
im tired of her bring homeless men home when shes drunk. THEY ARE NOT FUCKING PETS!!!!
They shoved things up my nose I feel violated
this probably sounds so sketchy, but hes going to jail in a month so he needs a place to crash for now. Hes sick though, and hes paying half our rent
He woke me up at 3 am, turned me on, then changed his mind. There is no way he is getting out of twilight now.
I dreampt that we were shooting zombies while we having sex. Is that normal?
I should never be allowed to dance around children at weddings. I think I just insured that a 4 year old will be a future teen mom.
Next time I try to break into the police station drunk, please stop me.
How do you keep manipulating these men into helping you?
I'm a massage therapist with an oral fixation. It's not nearly as hard as you make it out to be.
I'm keeping him.
Sex was good?
I had to tap out three times. There aren't words for how much better than "good" that is.
Randomize
