Would it be horrible to send my ex's girlfriend an email telling her that I sexed her man up so dirty that he fell asleep inside of me afterwards?
walked into the kitchen nd asked my mom what smells like tuna she replies" your sister" now i cant eat tuna...EVER!!!
Girls behind me in the library are trying to outslut each other with stories from last semester. I'm about to set my cock on the table between them and label it "tie breaker"
should my penis look like a turkey
The vodka told me to go iceskating on my frozen pool. I may have attempted.
My ex just called and told me that he is on his way to the hospital because he popped a vein in his dick. Should I go to the ER with him or class?
You left me on the phone while you grabbed a plastic bag and started puking. I recorded it. Its my new ringtone for you
I feel like when purchasing hard liquor on a Monday I also need to buy a happy 21st bday card to not seem so pathetic
This is what happens when you live with someone you met on Grindr
it's taken me 3 hours to eat this pudding cup. I think I am melting.
I am not being the messenger for your booty call.
I spoon fed you cheerios when you were black out drunk. You owe me one.
You asked the bartender if she was trying to get you drunk. She cut you off after that.
idk wtf was in that bud but I was talking to my dead dog last night bro holy shit
I guess it's part of life. Sometimes your ex boyfriend becomes a drag queen.
This reminds me of the time you were crying and puking in the toilet at that party while i did shots of tequila in between blow drying your feet. miss you!
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