Who the hell brings a 6pack to a party. I'm trying to make mistakes.
ok watching intervention on tv. when i hit rock bottom - i wanna be THIS chick.
Class is significantly more awkward when you know that your teacher knows what you look like with your legs behind your head... Just saying.
There's a mirror laying face down next to me. A looooong full body mirror. By the looks of it it fell off the wall last night and was within centimeters of shattering on my head. Awesome.
I just got a high school volleyball teams practice cancelled because I slept with the head coach through their practice time.
Struggs. It's also 90 degrees out but I'm not sure I can feel heat or cold any more. Too hungover.
pregamed for the floor meeting. so stoned. i keep thinking my RA is shrinking.
I find it very uncomfortable that I need to ask you to stop sending me pictures of your stomach
told our landlord the hole in the wall was from your head during drunk sex..
how did he take it?
not as well as i would have thought
Good because ass is like 60% of my diet now
I wasn't that drunk, I know my limits. When peeing became difficult I stopped taking shots.
You said you were uncomfortable with your body and then you started making whale noises
I'm gonna die. First I'm gonna throw up. But then I'm gonna die.
I yelled at the cab driver to slow down because my unborn children live here, and pointed to my uterus. I think my message was lost in translation though because he immediately offered me his card...
The bride is so wasted, she fell into her cake.I wanna be on her level
Randomize
