my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
My mom just told me that the key to a successful marriage is never seeing your partner take a shit.
just gave a homeless man a kiss in exchange for two handles
exact location. now.
She somehow inhaled a tack last night, she's having surgery today.
He went THROUGH MY PHONE (he's 30 for God sake) then asked me why I was stringing along 12 guys... I told him he could have just asked me if I was banging other people and then saved himself from looking at pics of dicks bigger than his.
I don't know what I would do if cheese never existed
Someone's stooooned
He took the Gold in Olympic clit licking last night. Canada should be proud.
that was THE gayest party i've ever been to
To be fair, the theme was Cabaret. I don't know what you were expecting.
I am trying to take a picture of a man in a wheelchair trying to ship a michael jackson portrait
FIND ME A DICK TO RIDE THAT HOPEFULLY IS ATTACHED TO A CUTE PERSON AND NICE PERSONALITY
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED. Is it okay if I only get 2 out of 3?
The D is nonnegotable.
thanks again for a nice night (and please don't fuck my boss)
Turns out he has a 6pack too. Alright adorable snapchatting manwhore dude, you win.
I'm home now if you wanna come over.
Sloane just tried to lick my eyeball. I'm going to regain my composure then I'll be there.
I cannot, in good conscience, let you talk to a guy who wears Chaps and a knit beanie
What, That's like a total 7 inches of cock and 6 are from Joe. Don't be mad at me because you had the lamest orgy ever.
Randomize
