my boobs are a 3G dead zone. as soon as i take my phone out of my bra, it has a signal again.
I really wish i had a penis so i could dick slap that bitch right now
I just sat in the Taco Bell drive-thru waiting for a trash can to take my order. Yes, that high.
Just getting around to doing laundry. Jesus there's a lot of blood on my birthday dress.
Doctor said I have sports induced asthma.
Call me old fashioned, but around here we call that "out of shape."
had my ear almost bitten off in foreplay. the sex gods do not like me.
Well I could just do a roadtrip and hit them all. Slut tour 2012.
Ok, I have three hours. I'm trying to work out two blow jobs and a taco.
I just want to lay in a bed of egg mcmuffins and cry
You think you know everything because you're wearing a sweater
I found a video on my phone from last night... You got up on the table at McDonald's and screamed BURRITOOO!
I'm going to have to include Angry Orchard in my thesis acknowledgements
No it's a real cult, with original ideas and shit like that
He's a snuggler. Every time I attempt to make a move to find my bra he reigns me in. Needless to say i could be here a while.
how do do this?
do what? Keep standing? Choose between 2 guys?
keep making boys cry?
Randomize
