You found a girl to hook up with at a gay bar?
No. His name was Paco. I didn't get it by choice. I never had a hickey before.
Just remembered throwing your phone at your face in a half-drunk stupor the other morning when your alarm went off. Thought I should apologize.
I got otter pops to cool the beers, it's an all around better idea.
I passed out in the VIP room and she charged me for 17 songs until I woke up, theres a bouncer asking me for $700, fuck tequila
I have 20 seconds to get my life together and look presentable.
Ive consumed more rum studying for law school finals than I did that time I fucked that fat chick in the back of VW Beetle. It's all ugly, but for different reasons.
When I get home we should play "let's see how many Christmas movies we can watch before we start having sex."
You are one of my favorite baseball you have fun today
somehow attending a funeral viewing turned into me snorting cocaine in the bathroom and drawing ninja turtles for children
Let's go get coffee and handcuffs.
I saved a note for myself but all it said was "am I a slutty Holden Caulfield?"
You act like tequila is some sort of sex juice
If I could tell my younger self three things it would be: 1. Smoke a lot more weed 2. Have a lot more sex 3. Own a good set of pots and pans
he invited me over. we listened to jazz, smoked weed, then cerebrally fucked each other over a three hour game of chess
While finding our clothes afterwards he says..."So do we like have to talk after this?"
Randomize
