She is the perfect woman. She cooks, gives good head and doesn't care that I have a small penis.
apparently breaking a beer bottle and then throwing up in a urinal is a terrible way to pick up girls.
I awoke in a cab to find myself on a ride to niagara falls. Apparently I paid the cab driver half up front.
She told me she needed to clarify that we are not fuck buddies, we are best friends that have sex once in a while
found a hand written recpiet for 'one doe fawn' on an open crate in my living room need help to find it
where the hell would u of bought a deer
Her pussy was so beautiful. That's what I'LL miss the most. Not the omelets. You're the roommate, obviously our priorities on this situation are vastly different.
I tried to sit on a barstool last night...it was an open trashcan.
Ya he's alive. Apparently he's been drinking Naty and listening to Unbreak My Heart on repeat all day.
I told you when I started the only reason I was gonna coach your kids soccer team was that I could meet all the hot soccer moms. So why are you so mad I slept with your ex?
Reason # 294827284949272 i could never be a cop. I would just shoot. All the time. Ppl. Animals. Inanimate objects. Air.
I was blacked out when we met, so basically this will be a blind date.
Did you just email Kelly and I gay dinosaur erotica?
FUCK the WHO, FUCK cancer, I'm gonna eat fucking bacon.
I just masturbated while watching Say Yes to the Dress
This is what my life has come to
So the vodka/tequila mix went down fine but the burp made me cry
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