I told him I'm not paying rent anymore because he's seen my boobs.
it's just weird having a massive boner in the morning when you could have used it the night before.
i crushed up some extenze and put them in his protein powder - should make for an interesting gym experience
he said i took off my shirt and wrote "help HATI" on my tits, and charged people to motorboat me..... i'd like to say i woke up with 267$ in my purse
I just found a video on my phone from last night of you yelling, "you can't fuck me!" at least 20 times
Let's get drunk and go to Walmart and just tackle people at random.
When I said tequila slammers would be the death of me, I didn't intend it to be today. Oh god.
also karaoke with swedish 7yr old and drunk 50yr old = best idea ever
I'm two shots in and wandering around Barnes and Noble with $58 in singles.
He took me home and by the time I woke up after catching up on sleep I realized I accidentally put on one of his fiances socks. whoops.
Oh yeah, you are a real peach except for shitting uncontrollably and bleeding out of your face.
I ACCIDENTALLY SUPER LIKED HIM. I JUST DELETED TINDER FROM MY PHONE.
My girl friends dad just asked how I get so drunk and then he passed out with a bloody Mary in his hand on the couch it's 230 do you know where your parents are
My alcoholism is old enough to drink.
Drunk me is having trouble keeping up with sober me's standards
Randomize
